Sort of Like A Bucket List

I've been thinking a lot about death lately. I realized that if I were to die, I would want people when remembering me to say: "She was way too goofy to ever take anything too seriously, including herself." Unfortunately I don't think I'm quite there, yet. What I mean more specifically is like someone who is always able to diffuse the situation, do you know what I mean? It is like when you know a really heavy issue has come up and you wonder what they are going to say about it now, and you can tell they take it seriously but don't think it's worth any big discussion that's going to cause rifts. And you can tell it is not something that could make them terribly upset at all. I know people like that. They always make me feel really comfortable and like I can be myself.

I also want people to say: "She was so agreeable!" Lord knows my husband would not say that of me, now. Please people, help me get to that point! I just think agreeable people are also so pleasant to be around! They will try anything with you, they won't object to things and mention all kinds of possible obstacles, and they will make you feel like your ideas are worth hearing, EVEN IF THEY DISAGREE. That is the trick. I do want to be able to disagree with people and even let that be something they can know and still not feel like I'm being contentious. I want them to still feel like I admire them. And if I do agree with them, I want them to know I will support what they think. I want them to feel validation from me. I want people to feel like I am a fan of theirs. I want everybody to feel that way about me! But how does one do that? I think it is just with love. You can disagree and still love someone.

Anger has a role to play in this one I think, too. I finally realized the other day that you can get angry... it is possible, yes. I got mad when a couple 8th-grade girls on my soccer team went during practice to the track team's cookout while we were in the process of moving from the field to the gym to practice. I had to sit there and wait in the gym with the few girls who had made it inside with me, while they ate hot dogs. I was only trying to make their last practice nice because they said it was too hot outside. When I found out where they were, I got so mad! But wouldn't it be nice if I didn't necessarily yell at them? I did... I walked out and yelled, "How many more minutes are you going to make me wait!" And then when they came in I told them how disrespectful that was of me. Now it is embarrassing to me that I actually got that mad about it. I was totally justified, but that is not the person I want to be. I want them to know that at any moment I can laugh with them. I can still let them know they did something disrespectful without getting that mad about it. I think it is actually called "managing your anger"! This is known! And now I know that people who quote the Bible can't say that the verse: "Be angry and sin not," means that it is totally okay and righteous to be angry sometimes. BS! All that verse probably means, in my opinion, is to manage your anger because of course you are going to get angry sometime. Maybe you just don't have to get THAT mad. Maybe nothing is ever worth getting so mad about that you'd do something so bad about it. Anyway, those are ways that I want to be known before I die.

Basically these are things I have to do now, during my lifetime, to be like this! I may have to add to this list as we go along.