For the first time in my life, I get it. No regrets, but I finally get it.
I havn't had it hard, a bad life...just the normal shit. But I've been through enough. Pain, hurt, friendships gained, friendships lost, love gained, love lost, utter despair, and utter blissful moments. And so, I feel my life is very much the encompassing cliche' of "Lessons learned".
A recent conversation I had really made me think: We were talking about how you can truly be your own worst enemy. It was pointed out to me that if this is true, THEN the opposite is also true: You are your own best _________ whatever positive, fill in the blank...ie. cheerleader, motivator, inspiration--all things positive. So if you find yourself overthinking too much, or being your own worst critic/enemy, then you must fully believe the opposite------For there is only good, because there is bad.
I get it. I finally know that I don't need to rely on anyone else for my insufficiencies. I don't think a successful relationship, whether friendly or romantic can survive if you are relying on the other person to fill any void you feel inside yourself. I was watching the show" Bethenny ever after", and she said when she met her husband she realized that he was able to support her emotionally. Now in her second year of marriage, when her husband wasn't doing such a great job of that anymore, she said now she felt "lost"....I know we all depend on other people for a certain amount of stability, but when you are a total basket case, or  totally void of one or all of emotional, physical or mental, you will inherently be "lost" when the other person you are relying on innevidably lets you down.
I am complete the way I am, and No body will ever fulfill emotional, physical or mental void....other than myself in my own thoughts, in my alone, well loneliness ( loneliness in the most positive sense of the word!)